Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
