Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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