I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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