Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
