She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
