Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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