I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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