Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
