So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
