He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
