Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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