Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
