I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
