The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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