My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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