i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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