Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
