I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize