The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
