I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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