totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize