I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
