then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
