I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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