Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
