Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
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Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
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you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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