So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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