you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
