I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
