I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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