conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
