theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
