Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
