I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize