Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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