nutella sex= disaster
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
