i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize