I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
