its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
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So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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