I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
