Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
