I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Drunk is not a location!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
