I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
