You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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