My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
