definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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