Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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