good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
