would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
