Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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