i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
