We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
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I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
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I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize