i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
