your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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