I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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