Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We need to rekindle our bromance
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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