Kiss
Puke
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
As shirtless as possible
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
