I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
